Yoga in a New York minute

I went to Hot Yoga aka Bikram yoga in Iowa for the first time with Nic last week. We were both Bikram virgins. I scoped it out before she got there and we decided we would try it. I've been itching to do HotYoga and she loves Yoga so here we go. 94 degrees and 50 % humidity for a 75 minute "beginner" class. We bring towels, water, and a mat as instructed. The place is lovely and clean. The owners are super nice and patient. I love the teacher and she gives us modifications to make the poses easier for our first class. It is definitely challenging but I'm ready to go again soon. I loved it. The next day I head to NY on an impromptu road trip to visit my Grandpa who is in the hospital. Even though I'm going to see my Pops I want to make sure I take care of myself too while I'm there. Soooooooo I decide Hot Yoga it is! I mean I loved it and I wanted to share the experience with my cousin(s). We are all going to be healed and happy and healthy. Obvi! So I recruit cousin Nic to find out the details. It's in Yorktown, it's affordable for first timers, and ALL the classes are beginner. Hooray. Sign me up. This class is 90 minutes but I can handle it. We walk in and the teacher takes our money and says Ok here are the rules (which are easy) to follow and then she says I will let you know when you can drink water. She'll say "it's Party Time." so fuuun. I can tell soon after that things are gonna be different here. The people are very serious. Serious NY Bikram yoga folk. The instructor does not turn off the florescent lights and there are giant windows facing the parking lot. Not serene. The craziest part was that the instructor never stopped talking. I actually don't think she took a breath. It was like she was auctioning off the poses.My cousy took a sip of water because it's 104 degrees and she's thirsty. The teacher says it's not time and Nic kept drinking and I was thinking I got your back Nicole drink up. I thought about walking out a few times because really it was too intense.I am fluent in intense I recoognize the smell. I modified some of the poses the way the Iowa instructor showed me and this freak was like your not getting the benefits that way. I wanted to give her a benefit right in the kisser. Exhale inhale Exhale. We got done with the class and I was going to wait to hear my cousin's thoughts without jading them and then I was just liked I hated her I'm sorry I can't go back. If I want to hear non stop voices rambling for hours on end I can just listen to myself. So maybe some things are better in Iowa. When you want more peace and quiet and darkness in your bikram class Iowa City is for you. Namaste y'alls guys. Party time. O O O speaking of effing party time the bitch (yes I did) drank when it was NOT said time and it took all my zenness not to scream it's NOT PARTY TIME IT'S NOT PARTY TIME. But I'm totally over it and that is obvious. Plus the glowy skin is worth ever second.

Dear Mr. Jesus,

I know that I am supposed to lose weight to be healthy so why do you keep LETTING people make peanut butter flavored stuff? I mean you know everyone loves peanut butter. PB snickers, PB cookies, PB cupcake filling what next PB toothpaste.(YumO) Also I love dark chocolate but NoT in moderation so please ease up on that too. And while I'm on the subject of health....orgasms and exercise why didn't you put those two together? If for example at the end of every 30 minute work out in my target heart rate I had an orgasm I bet you couldn't keep me away from that stair master. I mean it just makes sense. Love, your favorite child
So tonight in protest after Hot ( and I mean HOTTTT) yoga I promptly showered then went out for martinis and chicken lips. Chicken lips probably sound fairly innocent and they would be if they were actual teeny chicken lips. But they're not. They are giant chicken breast slabs that are breaded, deep fried, and then drowned in wing sauce served with a tub of blue cheese or if you're watching your weight you could get ranch.
I am just about to hit post but I am a little apprehensive to post something with the word orgasm in it. I wonder what my mom would think if she knew that I knew what an orgasm was and much less if she knew I'm interested in having one. And why would I ask Jesus about it. Shouldn't I leave Him out of it? I don't think my mom realized that God invented sex. Duh Ma duh.

Fame hasn't changed me

I was REALLY worried that after dancing in the world's biggest flash mob dance at the Oprah taping I would be you know different but I'm still me. It was a close call. I wondered if I'd be able to walk the streets as I normally did or would I have to disguise myself. And to make matters worse I was interviewed twice. I was now a national news hero. I obviously just wanted to be able to go back to Iowa to enjoy my quiet isolated life. I love strolling through the downtown Iowa City farmer's market and I couldn't bare the thought of giving it up. I guess I could have had my people go fetch something for me but they have other tedious work to do for me. I need to have Millie's shit picked up, ice water to take A LOT of pills, and I like to have someone to stand over me while I sleep and fix my blankets. (I can be a restless sleeper)I get chilly.
In all seriousness I am very glad I got to see Oprah in person. I am going to try to get tickets to see her in the studio so I can get dressed up and sit down. I also realized how much I would like to explore Chicago. It seems like a great city. I want to take advantage of being so close to it. I just watched some Food TV shows about Chi-town and it got me revved up for culinary adventures. Also it has a Home Goods store location which I am obsessed with. It is the home version of TJ Maxx. Loves it. I have been trying to make the condo more "homey" but falling short obvi some purchases would fix that in a hurry.
I have been having a pretty unproductive week but I did go for my routine mammogram which is a good accomplishment for the week. I think next week I am going to make a dentist appointment. Stay tuned for that excitement! I am going to a knitting class on Tuesday which is going to be cool. Knit 1 Pearl 2 is what my mom always used to say and now I'll find out why. She was a great knitter/croucheter. She was a talented crafter in general and I am trying to follow in her footsteps. I go to a place called HomeEc which is a super dope store/ learning place. Project 1 baby scarf.

Yo ho ho and a trip to MN

As part of my very important healing process we are reading Treasure Island. We are taking turns reading it to eachother. I have found out two things. First of all I really like being read to and second I don't speak, read, or understand PIRATE-talk matey. I have had that book for 25ish yrs. and have never read it. I am really enjoying it. It was one of many classic books my mother bought me but I was too busy reading "Are you There God it's me Margaret?" There is almost no contest between Heidi or Margaret. I mean she gets her period and Heidi saves stale rolls for Grandma. Whatever blondie.
We are in Pine City, MN and are spending time at David's grandparents house. They are selling it and it is an emotional thing. They have been there for over 40 yrs. It is a beautiful house on a great lake.(one of 10,000 in the state) David has a lot of special memories here. I am so glad to be here with him. His mom who I call DM (david's mom) is here too and I really enjoy her company. We are building a really nice bond. It is just David and I (and Millie)sleeping on an air mattress in the living room under a great crystal chandelier. Grandma Sue Sharp is quite an artist and we are taking some of her water colors. I also grabbed an old pallette of hers. it is covered in acrylics and I think that in itself is beautiful art. I can just imagine her painting and combining colors. She has a beautiful smile and when she laughs she throws her head back like a teenage girl. It gives me so much joy. I feel so thrilled to get to know and spend time with her and Grandapa Jack her husband of 66 years. I believe in love but I appreciate seeing it in this light. They met on a blind date. He calls her his lovey still. They just turned 90 in June.
We will be here till Monday. My internet connection isn't great so I may not post until I get back to Iowa but I am trying to post often. (I think I can I think I can) One day at a time.

Sweating like an oldie

I worked out today for the first time in months. I strapped on (hang on dirty birds) my heart rate monitor and went for it. I successfully stayed at the gym for 30 min. I did the stair master, treadmill, and elliptical machines. It felt really good and really bad all at the same time.
Speaking of bad... you should see Mllie's latest grooming disaster. The lady specifically said I'll make sure the hair is long enough so you DON'T see her pink skin, which makes her look like one of those hairless cats, but what the groomer girl wonder forgot to say after is This is the Introduction to the OPPOSITE skits. ( does anyone get that reference?) Anyway she's fine after a torturous couple of days I think I'll leave her alone.
I went for a super gay/ awesome walk with David under the full moon. I love a full moon. I feel all energized and crazy when it is glowing. Like the manic part of Bi- Polar weeeeee Needless to say I'm up and ready to rock. Fruit flys all around me buzzing about letting me know I failed again to eat my beautiful farmer's market produce on time. Will I ever learn? I think not. But believe me the leftover pizza in the fridge will never feel the rejection that the poor melon did. If you are what you eat I'm a deep dish extra cheese light sauce pizza. I wouldn't want to confuse my body with too much healthy lycopene all at once.

So sorry Millie

I found out in Iowa dogs HAVE to get parvo/distemper vaccines and Millie didn't have hers so we took her today. This was all because I want to get her groomed before the weekend trip up to Pine City, MN to see David's grandparents. I got a last minute appointment at a very nice vet called Tender Care. Well I'll just cut to the chase...she got a finger up her ass. The End. No actually that did happen and her glands got excreted but then she got her vaccine. She was so calm and quiet on the trip home which never happens that I was so glad( and selfish )to not have her panting LOUDLY on me. We got home and my calm little pup harfed everywhere a lot. So I called the vet and they said bring her back she is having a reaction. By this time I'm thinking about how I heard Dr. Oz having a debate about vaccines and autism and what I would do with an autistic dog. Take her to the casino to count cards? I think not. At the vet they gave her a steroid shot and some benadryl. She is fine having sweet dreams of steak and butts. And she still has an appointment at the groomer tomorrow. I just can't stop torturing her this week.

Speaking of torture the anti depressant hasn't started working yet. I was pretty sure it would work instantly for me. Maybe I am optimistic after all. But alas it is probably going to take a few more weeks. To get a good gage on how I'm feeling I can tell you even shopping isn't making me feel better and I can't even drink an iced anything. That's bad. But Halloween is coming and I am excited about that because that means Halloween purchases. And friends are coming to visit. Two friends in two weeks. Yeehaw.

I highly recommend the Beware candle from the yankee candle company PS. It smells great.

This has been a really great post we laughed, we cried, and we talked about buying things.

I did it! Finally.

Better late than never... I find myself saying it A LOT. I set out to start a blog when I first got to Iowa in July and for those of you without calendars/jobs/lives it is now September. I talked A LOT about starting a blog because I love to talk about things. It is very convenient for not getting things actually done. But a new day has dawned (well today at least) so off I go into the wide world of getting stuff done in my own practically perfect way.
I am a perfectionist but there is a twist. I am so busy trying to make sure that everything is perfect that I don't do anything so then my track record is great. You are always successful if you never do anything right?
Well now I am in Iowa with nothing to do and no one to do it with because David is busy getting his PHD so off I go to see what I'm made of and what I can get done and the new things I can learn in this so called life of mine.
Step 1 Get Antidepressants
Step 2 Get a good therapist
Step 3 Wait for step 1 to kick in
Let's see how it goes...